7496 results found

1. The Black Hole (1979)

   Features: Silly robots voiced by Roddy McDowall and Slim Pickens (though one admittedly badass evil droid - Maximillian" - but otherwise...) special effects that haven't quite held up, confusing storyline/plot, a woman with a tinfoil hat, Ernest Borgnine in a turtleneck, and denouced by Neil deGrasse Tyson as the most scientifically inaccurate movie ever. What could be better for Rifftrax!
   Actors include:
   Maximilian Schell
   Anthony Perkins
   
   Robert Forster
   
   Joseph Bottoms
   Yvette Mimieux
   Ernest Borgnine
   Tom McLoughlin

   110 votes

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2. Teeth

   A 2007 horror movie. A girls Vagina grows teeth and it bites.

   365 votes

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3. Capricorn One (1978)

   I can't believe no one has recommended this one. The gov't fakes a landing on Mars, then decides that they can't afford to keep the "astronauts" alive! It stars the usual staples of '70's actors, including, wait for it... O.J. Simpson! What's not to riff?

   355 votes

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4. City of Bones

   This movie not only flopped majorly (it has 1star/12% on RT) but the acting is horrible and the plot is some ungodly mixture of Buffy, Harry Potter, Star Wars and Twilight.

   The Heroine is more obsessed with the main Blond Guy than with finding her mother, Blond Guy (who was IN TWILIGHT) can't go three lines without a bad joke, with Nerdy 'Nice Guy' completing the 'love triangle'. And one of the teenagers looks like he's in his 40s.

   Oh, and the 'Falcon' dialogue is taken word for word from the author's Harry Potter fanfiction. Seriously.

   30 votes

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5. Paycheck (2003)

   So easy with this one. Ben Affleck and for some reason, Uma Thurman go about destroying a Philip K. Dick short story with terrible pseudoscience and too many implausible coincidences to begin to mention.

   27 votes

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6. Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter (1974)

   If you thought TWILIGHT had you scratching your head over 'sparkling' vampires, this film will make you wonder WHAT kind of vampires Captain Kronos is pursuing.

   The best way to explain is to get into the film itself. Starts off with two girls in the woods chasing one another (oh, yes, like that's REAL safe..) and one goes off alone deeper into the woods. Enter the ominous-looking, cloaked figure. Next comes the bizarre director's choice of having the camera showing us the perspective of the figure.

   At first the girl recoils in fear, then suddenly smiles (as if the 'vampire' either hypnotized her, or spiked the flowers with poppies, you be the judge). The vampire then attacks, but not by chomping down on her neck, either leaving the cliche puncture wounds, or tearing out her throat. Instead, the vampire apparently kisses her (no kidding), causing blood to trickle from her mouth.

   Afterwards when she is found, apparently she's transformed into an old woman. Strange, huh? Anyway, Kronos and his crew come onto the scene.

   Now, at this point, I should tell you, all your standard classic Hollywood vampire conventions are thrown out the window. First off, one of Kronos' side-kick, a hunchback professor, which looks like a dapper Frenchman with a growth, buries boxes of dead frogs about the forest. As the mysterious cloaked figure rides by, they dig them up and discover (ta-daah), they're alive.

   Apparently in this universe, vampires can re-animate dead amphibians. Also they kiss people and drain them not only of blood, but of their youth as well.

   Meanwhile Kronos meets the local doctor, who is close friends with him, and we learn a little insight about him. Obviously a soldier from a previous war (not clear on which one, tho, never say), Kronos' family was murdered by vampires, which has made him go into this profession, but it never goes into why, if he's after the head vampire, or if he's seeking the one responsible.

   In fact, when he meets up with a female local (Caroline Munro), it requires a bit of suspending disbelief that Kronos had ever settled down with a family in the first place.

   But back to the main plot, Dr. Marcus (Kronos' friend) decides on conducting some more investigations, while Kronos' partner and female (ahem) Companion attempt to set up traps to catch the vampire in the act.

   Now in all fairness, one actual true vampire attack occurs when a bat does attack a female in a hilarious scene that would make Birdemic's dive-bombing bird look like Shakespeare. But I digress, Dr. Marcus considers the main suspects to be the royal Durward family, since evidence points to Lady Durward to be around when the attacks occur. Her children do appear sinister in nature for the fact they have white hair and kind of act like snots. Y'know, typical 17th Century aristocrats.

   One thing interesting about this film, I suspect the whole 'vampire blood contagion' shtick originated from here, though in this case, it doesn't really explain how this thing works. On his way back, Dr. Marcus gets blood splattered on him, though we don't see how this is possible. And when he gets home, the next morning, he discovers he is changing into a vampire (by looking into a mirror, no less, like I said all conventions are shot to hell in this tale).

   Rather than find a way to cure the man (or even figure out HOW EXACTLY did it happen), Kronos is spurred on to kill him by trussing Dr. Marcus up and staking the poor victim in the heart.

   Okay... then suddenly from all of this, they decide the Durward family is the source. And the rest makes as much sense as a soup sandwich.

   Though it's supposed to come off as a serious, adventurous vampire flick, Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter is more of a hilarious, nonsensical romp into a man hunting down a monster turning young woman into dried jerky (more or less).

   I would love Bill, Kevin & MIke to definitely give this one a view and riff this classic take on the 'modern' vampire scene.

   Here's the actual film:

   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsWAVsRefSg

   If you thought TWILIGHT had you scratching your head over 'sparkling' vampires, this film will make you wonder WHAT kind of vampires Captain Kronos is pursuing.

   The best way to explain is to get into the film itself. Starts off with two girls in the woods chasing one another (oh, yes, like that's REAL safe..) and one goes off alone deeper into the woods. Enter the ominous-looking, cloaked figure. Next comes the bizarre director's choice of having the camera showing us the perspective of the figure.

   At first the girl recoils in fear, then suddenly smiles (as if the 'vampire'… more

   39 votes

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7. Vampire Circus (1972)

   Many eagle-eyed Doctor Who fans will notice Lalla Ward (Romana II) stars in this one, and what a strange roller coaster ride this one is!

   Though no Bela Lugosi or Robert Patterson (thank god) is in this one, it does have a shape-changing vampire, a circus and a paranoid country which has a town under quarantine, due to a "plague." Not a curse, not by (obviously) vampires, but a plague. Spoiler alert: not dealing with the sharpest of the bunch in this place.

   But I'm getting ahead of myself.. the whole thing starts off with a woman cheating on her husband (one assumes) with a vampire (hey, why not?), just as things are getting interesting, the husband and villagers bust in (don'cha hate that, and how exactly do they always know where in these castles where they're at? Seriously.), and sis-ka-bob him without fail.

   But this vampire ain't going down, before he perishes, he claims the villagers shall pay with the lives of their children (like where have we heard this one before, eh?). So rather than burn the vampire, or have him conveniently turn to dust, they entomb him in a cave with the stake still in his heart (yeah, like THAT'S going to make him stay put.. Hey, like I said, not the sharpest knives in the drawer.)

   Years later, the village is quarantined due to a 'plague' that's killing off children surrounding the area (or something to that effect, the film's not to clear on this motive). And yet, a mysterious circus manages to get through and does all sort of trippy things to the villagers while killing off the young adults and kids.

   Of course, it isn't until after some desperate attempts to get outside help, and the fact the villagers' descendants are getting slaughtered (one hilarious moment is when one vampire transforms into a panther and crashes a party.) that they figure out the circus owner and the performers are vampires and they're attempting to revive their 'master.' (The cheating vampire from the first part of the film, natch).

   Not wanting to spoil the rest of the film, but what appears to be a somber movie, turns out to be prime riffing fodder for Mike, Kevin & Bill. I definitely hope RiffTrax selects this movie to riff on VOD or Live.

   Many eagle-eyed Doctor Who fans will notice Lalla Ward (Romana II) stars in this one, and what a strange roller coaster ride this one is!

   Though no Bela Lugosi or Robert Patterson (thank god) is in this one, it does have a shape-changing vampire, a circus and a paranoid country which has a town under quarantine, due to a "plague." Not a curse, not by (obviously) vampires, but a plague. Spoiler alert: not dealing with the sharpest of the bunch in this place.

   But I'm getting ahead of myself.. the whole thing starts off with a woman cheating on her… more

   334 votes

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8. Video games films: Films based on video games

   This link gives you more than enough riff fodder:
   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dE8SFtLNWQ

   3 votes

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9. Bigfoot directed by Bob Gray (2009)

   Looks like it was made for $2000, and that was spent on the monster.

   20 votes

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10. The Paul Lynde Halloween Special

    Sort of a followup to The Star Wars Holiday Special, as campy Paul Lynde hosts a batcrap insane special, highlighted by KISS meeting Margaret Hamilton in full Wicked Witch of the West costume.

    See the insanity here:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4psTeRpQ-1o

    238 votes

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11. Rabbit Test

    Billy Crystal as the world's first pregnant man and Everybody Loves Raymond's mother as his mom. Far too much Joan Rivers (written by, directed by, acted in) and one-liners so tragically unfunny you will walk out after only 10 minutes. Which I did. It was the only time I've ever not only demanded a refund, but also insisted the theater owner pay for a cab. My head had exploded and I was in no state to drive.

    6 votes

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12. Justice League of America

    This is the REEEEALY bad 1997 made for tv movie with David Ogden Stiers as Martian Manhunter, gut and all. This was almost as painful as the Star Wars Christmas special. Someone sent me a copy of it years ago. I will gladly mail it to you for you to feast your eyes on the glory of badness that was the JLA movie. This movie is just begging to be riffed.

    508 votes

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13. Robo-Chic

    If there was ever a movie that had production issues, it's this one. Playgirl star pulls out? Replace her with a new woman in a blonde wig. This film has to be seen to be believed.

    Also known as Cyber-Chic: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098211/

    Watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7NdSW8l74g

    28 votes

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14. Invitation to Hell (1984 starring Susan Lucci)

    Watch the first 2 minutes on Youtube; it's worth it.

    12 votes

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15. In-theater Movies

    Make a RiffPlayer for smartphones that syncs up with the film's audio. That way we can wear headphones to the cinema to hear your riffing, and more easily endure bad films we get dragged to by friends/spouses/mad scientists.

    4 votes

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16. 'The Avengers' (1998 - the crappy British one)

    Ralph Feinnes, Uma Thurman, Sean Connery, and Richard Lumsden! In a catastrophic turkey! What could possiblye go wrong?

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118661/

    •  

    122 votes

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17. Fart - the movie

    Please you must do this movie you would kill it. It is asking to be made fun of. I need you to do this one.

    2 votes

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18. Fausta, the Nazi Wonder Women (1976)
    294 votes

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19. L.A. Takedown

    What would eventually become Heat was originally written in the mid-80s around the time of Manhunter, and Mann had been trying to get it made ever since. He eventually shot the script as a TV movie in 1989; called LA Takedown, its cast was largely made up of regular actors from Miami Vice and Crime Story

    Read more: http://www.denofgeek.com/movies/heat/25530/michael-manns-heat-how-research-created-a-classic-thriller#ixzz3R6V06K6Z

    17 votes

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20. The Adventures of Pluto Nash

    This SPACE movie has been called one of the biggest box-office failures of ALL TIME, and was the beginning of the end of anything Eddie Murphy was involved with being called "good". This film has likely gather no potential views, either sincere or to goof on.
    I think Mike et al. have the SPACE in their lineup to fit this in, and maybe give this movie some watch-ability.
    Can you polish this SPACE turd of a film?

    •  

    7 votes

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