Possibly the cheesiest, drug-induced Godzilla movie ever made. In this one, an entire montage of pollution scenes show the dilemma humanity faces in one of the most phoned-in messages ever put in a Japanese movie. Its then we are introduced to this rounds contender for baddest monster in Japan, a sludge tadpole. Seriously.

There is so much confusing crap going on in this one its impossible to not comment about it. The Smog Monster gets bigger by smoking a smokestack like a bong like its life heroes are Cheech and Chong, it apparently can shoot poop from its nipples, it can transform into a flying turd pile and spreads silent-but-deadly gas across Japan, and it seems to like going after teenagers whose sole purpose is to gripe about their angst and pollution.

But what about Godzilla? Well, he finally realizes how ridiculous the premise is and actually does a face-palm at one point. His monster destroying episodes are accompanied by the worst Japanese pop song ever sung in a monster movie. (Seriously, the song is even worse than anything put out by those tiny twin fairy chicks from the Mothra movies and that's saying a lot.) And did you know Godzilla can fly? Because he totally does in this movie.

This is considered one of the worst Godzilla movies to come out during the early days of the franchise, even by one of the creators of Godzilla (Tomoyuki Tanaka, respectively). Its overall camp, strange message, and target audience of children make this one really weird. If the guys ever get the time to do this Riff I would probably die a happy man. Of course, if someone else decides to do an iRiff I would watch it. I would just ask them to watch out for the poop nipple thing.

Where do I begin. This movie was shot in Germany. With bad actors speaking English. Then badly dubbed. By bad actors speaking English with bad fake English accents.

The costumes look like something your mom sewed. The fight scenes look like high school Trekkies re-enacting their favorite Kirk fight. The special effects consist of something you'd buy on the cheap from the fireworks store across the border in Indiana.

It trudges along at first trampling the old Robin Hood tale, then gets suddenly and impossibly worse. Because Robin Hood becomes a flesh eater.

Somewhere along the way, (it's been over a year since I experienced this on video) they fight the zombies? or maybe the sheriff? with magic grenades. The magic word that activates them is now a catchphrase in my house: "ZIP ZO ZO!" Poof! A puff of smoke!

My favorite scene is when Robin is writhing on the ground, dying a gruesome as Marion, Little John and Will stand next to him. Hands at their sides. They don't kneel down or offer aid or comfort. No emotion whatsoever because, well, it's "Robin's" scene and they don't have any lines, so they're just waiting for him to finish.

Finally and inexplicably, when the movie reaches it's confusing conclusion, it doesn't. Conclude. The credits roll, but the movie starts up again. You think it's just going to be for a quick epilogue, but no. It goes on FOR 20 MORE MINUTES. Pointless, non plot-enhancing minutes. My guess is they paid for the film stock and needed to use it all up. Or something.

Oh yeah. Almost forgot. It's in 3D. (Didn't know that cause I watched it at home.)

Please riff this horrific pile o' mess. Screen shot attached of obese castle guard wearing chain mail with no shirt under it. Fat roll visible. Note the black pants and street shoes. Please. I'm on my knees.