Where do I begin. This movie was shot in Germany. With bad actors speaking English. Then badly dubbed. By bad actors speaking English with bad fake English accents.

The costumes look like something your mom sewed. The fight scenes look like high school Trekkies re-enacting their favorite Kirk fight. The special effects consist of something you'd buy on the cheap from the fireworks store across the border in Indiana.

It trudges along at first trampling the old Robin Hood tale, then gets suddenly and impossibly worse. Because Robin Hood becomes a flesh eater.

Somewhere along the way, (it's been over a year since I experienced this on video) they fight the zombies? or maybe the sheriff? with magic grenades. The magic word that activates them is now a catchphrase in my house: "ZIP ZO ZO!" Poof! A puff of smoke!

My favorite scene is when Robin is writhing on the ground, dying a gruesome as Marion, Little John and Will stand next to him. Hands at their sides. They don't kneel down or offer aid or comfort. No emotion whatsoever because, well, it's "Robin's" scene and they don't have any lines, so they're just waiting for him to finish.

Finally and inexplicably, when the movie reaches it's confusing conclusion, it doesn't. Conclude. The credits roll, but the movie starts up again. You think it's just going to be for a quick epilogue, but no. It goes on FOR 20 MORE MINUTES. Pointless, non plot-enhancing minutes. My guess is they paid for the film stock and needed to use it all up. Or something.

Oh yeah. Almost forgot. It's in 3D. (Didn't know that cause I watched it at home.)

Please riff this horrific pile o' mess. Screen shot attached of obese castle guard wearing chain mail with no shirt under it. Fat roll visible. Note the black pants and street shoes. Please. I'm on my knees.