7496 results found

1. Mark of the Witch (1970)

   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZT1XER4Mxu4
   https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066058/reference/

   3 votes

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2. Out for Justice

   1. It's Steven Segal's best movie, and it's still terrible.
   2. Look at that beret he wears!
   3. Absolutely no stakes in the film, because Segal NEVER LOSES.
   28 votes

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3. Beverly Hills Vamp

   Eddie Deezen, Britt Ekland, by Fred Olen Ray. Nuff said...

   4 votes

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4. When Were You Born (1938)

   Horoscopes, Murder! Corny, Murder!
   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCWjRFrl940

   8 votes

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5. The Requin

   90s darling Alicia Silverstone goes on a remote getaway to Vietnam with her husband to save their marriage after tragedy strikes. As we all know, tragedy strikes in threes, and next thing you know, a monsoon has swept their floating villa out to sea right into a school of Great White sharks.

   The Requin is:
   1) It's filled with dreadfully out-of-touch and mind-numbing dialogue.
   2) Incompetently handled mental illness themes.
   3) Mostly made up of pointless scenes stretched to agonizing lengths to pad screen time, only to end with a jarring transition to the next one.
   4) The Last Shark levels of stock footage of marine life.
   5) Digital effects reminiscent of Sharknado with the contrast pumped up to 11.
   6) A shockingly jowly Alicia Silverstone playing a character who is either wailing, nagging, or having "another episode." All of which require her to repeat the word "honey" until it loses all meaning. Oh, and she yells "fuck you" at a shark. Speaking of...
   7) Rubber shark fins wobbling about menacingly!
   8) Scenes that once again prove women always hog all the space on the drift wood. Am I right, Jack?
   9) Characters boldly explain what's going on in half the scenes!
   10) An ending featuring Alicia Silverstone fighting off a shark with a "outboard motor" that is clearly a leaf blower with a propeller duct-taped to it.

   In all honesty, I've seen every riff you guys have done multiple times and watched more bad movies than I can admit without a smidge of existential dread. The Requin quite simply feels like exactly the sort of movie you guys would get a kick out of riffing. Plus, it has a 2.9 on IMDb and 10% audience score on Rottentomatoes. So you know it's bad!

   90s darling Alicia Silverstone goes on a remote getaway to Vietnam with her husband to save their marriage after tragedy strikes. As we all know, tragedy strikes in threes, and next thing you know, a monsoon has swept their floating villa out to sea right into a school of Great White sharks.

   The Requin is:
   1) It's filled with dreadfully out-of-touch and mind-numbing dialogue.
   2) Incompetently handled mental illness themes.
   3) Mostly made up of pointless scenes stretched to agonizing lengths to pad screen time, only to end with a jarring transition to the next one.
   4) The Last Shark… more

   16 votes

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6. The original Nancy Drew movies

   The original movies are Nancy Drew... Detective (1938), Nancy Drew... Reporter (1939), Nancy Drew Trouble Shooter (1939) and Nancy Drew and the Hidden Staircase (1939).

   4 votes

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7. hogzilla

   https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0923722/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

   1. It's a giant creature movie
   2. It's awesomely terrible
   3. Joe Bob Briggs is in it
   15 votes

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8. The Gardener (aka Garden of Death, Seeds of Evil)

   What would you get if you crossed a David DeCouteau flick with an ineffective antagonist from 'This Island Earth,' and I don't mean those dudes with the raised foreheads?

   You'd get this bizarre flick from 1974, where even the video box art and description sounds far better than this train wreck.

   Basically, as the film begins with an obscure hospital scene (hey, still better than a monotonous driving scene, eh?), where some patient is given some ominous-looking flowers. Apparently by the way they film this, you might think the patient's going to get Poison Ivy'ed where the plant somehow devours her, or grows throughout her body.

   But no such luck. Instead she ends up dying of a cardiac arrest, or poisoned by spores, who knows?

   Next we hear music which makes about as much sense as Gamera the Invincible, where you wonder why the director would play upbeat tones at a funeral service? And we see the intro credits roll.

   In a nutshell, the spiel goes something like this: the two women, Ellen and Helena are discussing their friend's odd demise, then, for no apparent reason, talks about how fantastic her garden looks. No kidding, not about how strange this chick passed on due to some odd flowers into her room, but how marvelous her garden is.

   Of course, this is all to the thanks of Carl, who apparently, throughout the film, wears a long ponytail, and has an aversion to wearing shirts of any kind, while trouncing through the foliage he allegedly tends to, and apparently this is his ONLY role throughout the film. Seems the plants do all the work as they bloom wildly about Ellen's estate, after she hires him on.

   Of course, this is your average, protagonist remains absolutely clueless to the obvious, as her staff, her friends and husband attempt to tell Ellen something's a bit amiss with Carl's instant green thumb. Yet, it takes a stormy night, and a strangled cat (no kidding) to have it finally sink into her that Carl might be the illegitimate son of Pamela Isley. But not before making love to him in a lake.

   At this point the protagonist does a 180, and starts investigating Carl's past employers, while Helena begins feeling her oats, and wants Ellen to fire Carl, so she can hire him.

   Naturally the incomprehensible ending occurs with some wild tempest, to a point where we get the classic Strange Creatures ending, where you'll be whispering like Bill, 'seriously, what the hell was that?'

   But enough of that, here are the top 3 reasons why The Gardener should be Riffed:

   (1) Carl - Most ineffective antagonist of the film itself. No seriously, since all you really see of him is walking about topless throughout the garden, with establishing shots of the dangerous flowers. On occasion, he'll strike up a brief conversation with Ellen, if you want to consider the Barbarino-like responses 'conversation.'

   In short, if your expecting Carl to unleash Poison Ivy powers all over the place, forget it. Basically, we are to assume he can grow instant blooms which apparently can kill by... spores... or invisible gas... who knows?

   Heck, even Torgo had more lines and scenes in Manos... and that's saying something.

   (2) The really out-of-place incidental music. Not since Jack Frost, does the director make us wonder if The Gardener is supposed to be a horror film, or just a rejected rom-com pilot. Because most of the time we hear nothing but upbeat music, even when we see Carl's establishing shots, where you would expect more creepy tunes with a Theremin. And the only time we DO hear appropriate incidental music is when Ellen begins wising up and investigating. And speaking of Ellen...

   (3) The clueless protagonist: not even the Drugs Are Like That Kids could be as oblivious as Ellen. Sure, this was a classic trope in those 70 foreign horror films, but c'mon, throughout most of the film, she so amazed at how Carl can immediately produce beautiful flowers, it never really dawns on her, until that stormy night when she comes across the strangled cat, (Also what is up with cats being strangled by plants? What not have one OD'ed off of catnip instead?) Where her clueless personality suddenly switches to that of Jessica Fletcher and she starts adding up the fact Carl has been offing women with his flora, and tries rescuing her friend, with oddly disturbing and hilarious results.

   In the end, I believe Mike, Bill and Kevin (or even Bridget and Mary Jo) should riff this one, just for the fact this thing really seems more like a blue movie with a topless man running about a garden, than an actual horror film.

   What would you get if you crossed a David DeCouteau flick with an ineffective antagonist from 'This Island Earth,' and I don't mean those dudes with the raised foreheads?

   You'd get this bizarre flick from 1974, where even the video box art and description sounds far better than this train wreck.

   Basically, as the film begins with an obscure hospital scene (hey, still better than a monotonous driving scene, eh?), where some patient is given some ominous-looking flowers. Apparently by the way they film this, you might think the patient's going to get Poison Ivy'ed where the plant somehow devours… more

   5 votes

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9. The Visitants (1986)

   Aliens visit earth and have to get one of their ray guns back from a teenage human. Sounds like the mashup of "Hobgoblins" and "Laserblast" that we've always dreamed about!

   Directed and written by:
   Rick Sloane ("Hobgoblins" + "Blood Theatre")

   Starring:
   Jeffrey Culver ("Hobgoblins")
   Nicole Rio ("Sorority House Massacre")
   Joel Hile ("Surf Nazis Must Die")

   27 votes

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10. Return of the Ape Man (1944)

    Sequel to "The Ape Man" (1943).

    Starring:
    Bela Lugosi ("Bride of the Monster" + "Plan 9 from Outer Space")
    John Carradine ("The Unearthly" + "Voodoo Man")
    George Zucco ("Mad Monster" + "Voodoo Man")

    It would be a real shame if you guys riffed the first movie but not the follow-up!

    NOTE: This movie is on YouTube and might be in the public domain.

    26 votes

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11. Space Mutiny - Bridhet and Mary Jo
    2 votes

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12. Planet of Dinosaurs - Bridget and Mary Jo
    1 vote

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13. What the Health
    1 vote

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14. what the health

    just be as harsh as you can LOL this is a documentary as so bad! it uses little to no facts, it cherry picks science...its just bad LOL

    1 vote

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15. American Samurai (1992/93)

    https://youtu.be/GQmm0BRdlxk

    14 votes

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16. Ator 2: The Blade Master (1982)

    Sequel to "Ator the Fighting Eagle" (1982).

    Also known as "Cave Dwellers" to MST3K fans.

    30 votes

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17. The Fly (1953)

    The original horror classic, starring:

    Vincent Price ("House on Haunted Hil")
    David Hedison ("Live and Let Die")
    Patricia Owens ("Sayonara")

    24 votes

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18. Endgame - Bronx lotta finale (1983)

    Italian-made post-apocalypse movie.

    Directed & written by:
    Joe D'Amato ("Ator the Fighting Eagle" + "Cave Dwellers")

    A cousin of film classics such as:
    "Warriors of the Lost World"
    "Warriors of the Wasteland"
    "1990: Bronx Warriors"
    "Escape 2000"
    "Rats: Night of Terror"

    2 votes

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19. Thunder III (1988)

    Yet another sequel to the Italian-made "Rambo" rip-off starring:

    Mark Gregory ("1990: Bronx Warriors" + "Escape 2000")
    John Phillip Law ("Diabolik" + "Space Mutiny")

    18 votes

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20. Thunder II (1987)

    Sequel to the Italian-made "Rambo" rip-off starring:

    Mark Gregory ("1990: Bronx Warriors" + "Escape 2000")
    Bo Svenson ("Wizards of the Lost Kingdom")

    18 votes

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