Someone's ancestors likely did something wrong to your ancestors hundreds of years ago. So what do you do? Do you try to seek revenge in a reasonable way by writing a book and going on the 70s equivalent of the Oprah Winfrey show to talk about it? Or would you rather murder their modern day counterparts?

If the answer is murder, then you may have something in common with this film. I don't think I could describe this any better than Bleeding Skull has:

"During colonial times, Lise is dragged through a town square. Some of the locals wear KISS make-up and possibly Jordache jeans. Lise is bound and gagged, then burned at the stake. Jump to the 1970s. A fat ad executive with not one, but TWO lazy eyes gets stressed out at work while his affluent family is visited by a reincarnated Lise. Between silent dinner scenes and cops talking about doped-up delinquents, Lise stares into the camera and delivers two lengthy monologues about ancient feminist rites (“Greased and oiled bodies . . . eating . . . naked!”). She kills by fingernail scratching, suffers from flashbacks, and may or may not want to have *** with someone."

LHOTP goes for the gold in this special 95-minute episode. Thanks to a torrential downpour in Walnut Grove, the Ingalls and Edwards families go off to find gold. Like many LHOTP episodes, it doesn't go well.
Why it should be riffed:
1. The Italian gold prospector is every Italian stereotype come to life.
2. Mr. Edwards (Victor French is in it) Alas, he doesn't sing "Old Man Tucker."
3. Laura is responsible (unintentionally, of course) for grave digging/robbing. Not making this up.
4. Ma has to deal with drunken prospectors, trying to teach in a tent, and being near gunfights and painted ladies. Merciful Heavens!

It's as if a grade Z Japanese studio thought that the combination of "Mighty Jack", "The Horror of Party Beach", "The Green ", and "Creature from the Black Lagoon" all mixed together would make a great idea for a sci-fi flick. Add wooden actors, poor writing, absentee direction, slapdash makeup and "special" effects, along with off the rack creature costumes, and you have the riffalicious gem which is "Terror Beneath the Sea". Mad scientist (mostly angry, but who is still a little whacked) creates a utopia on the sea floor, while engineering his sea creature "cyborgs" from human participants into creatures by apparently microwaving them and replacing their lungs. These overgrown pollywogs, which serve as labor controlled sonicly by a three position rotary switch, kidnap our protagonists while out for a scuba dive, who also happen to be friends with Naval officers in a futuristic sub with headlights and smart torpedoes that make bank turns like "Mighty Jack". All this happening around undersea atomic waste dumps that probably gave Gerry Andersen his idea for creating "Space 1999", though spoiler alert; the explosions didn't knock the ocean out of Earth's orbit.

This is one of the weirdest movies I have ever watched. Perfect for Riffing.

Here is my synopsis of the movie:

So Santa apparently does the whole giving away presents thing as a for-profit business. They are never clear about how they actually make money at this scheme (though it seems to have something to do with slavery).

Mrs Claus died a while ago, and it has made Santa a ruthless businessman. He has a daughter (the main character of the movie) who he is forcing into an arranged marriage to help grow his business empire. She understandably doesn't want to marry some guy she has never met, and instead wants to go to college. Santa is firmly against college.

However her acting out is putting the business merger in jeopardy, so they strike a bargain... she will agree to the arranged marriage and to put the family business first, and in return, she gets to go to college for a semester. She has to return on Christmas eve to marry the guy and take over the family business. Santa sends her servant (they all have servants... and live a wealthy/extravagant lifestyle) with her to keep an eye on her.

So now we basically have a much worse version of Coming to America.
Santa warns her not to use her magic powers (she has magic powers) if she wants to be accepted by the normies, and gives her around a hundred thousand dollars "only for emergencies". They make a big deal about the powers thing, but it never actually seems to come up in the movie. She mainly uses them to sneak into class late, and she is not really careful about not being seen or anything. It doesn't seem to matter or have any repercussions.

It turns out the real magic is the $100k her dad gave her. She just starts buying things for people and becomes (mildly) popular as a result. She also wins people over by being Kimmy Schmitt. Her character is basically a rich Kimmy Schmitt with mildly useful magic powers.

The main plot revolves around two boys fighting over her affection, while she is completely clueless that dating is a thing. She just thinks they are super friendly, despite the fact that they both quickly and repeatedly declare their intention to pursue her romantically.

Plot twist! It turns out that one of the boys is actually secretly the guy she is being forced to marry.

Double plot twist! Said boy is being forced to woo her by his obviously-evil father to make sure the business deal goes through. Good thing he has actually started to like her for realsies. But now he can't tell her that he has been lying to her without risking the marriage.

Triple plot twist! The other boy is being paid by the first boy's father to spy on the girl! You see, the father was worried that she might be interested in the second boy, and call off the marriage, so to prevent that... he pays the second boy to "keep an eye on her and make sure she stays safe". Second boy is like, well I was going to do that anyway, so I guess I will take your money.

So here is where a regular movie would be predictable... but not this movie! See, a normal (******) movie would have the father reveal that he was paying the 2nd boy and she would get angry at him. But, no, he toys with that idea, but instead decides to make a bunch of memes about how she is from the north pole, pay some mean girls to make fun of her about it, and then frame the 2nd boy for that.

It is all very confusing at this point. Her servant elf seems the most upset by the racially insensitive portrayal of elves in the meme, but it does successfully drive a wedge between her and 2nd boy.

Second boy then tries to make amends. He tells her that he didn't do the meme thing, but he is like: I was taking money to spy on you... just not the meme thing. Without even taking a breath, he is like: I have been spying on you for money, will you be my girlfriend? She is like: Why did you think that would make things better?

She isn't really that upset about the spying though. Just water off a duck's back. She is still angry about the meme. She says she is going to go to the dance with 1st boy... but just as friends, because she doesn't want to risk the business merger.

At the dance, 1st boy decides he needs to come clean and tells her who he is and proposes to her. He really does love her, and it isn't just about the business. 2nd boy storms in and says that 1st boy framed him for the meme. 1st boy is like: I didn't, but my dad probably did, that guy is a ****. She tells 2nd boy that she is in love with him (in front of 1st boy), but that the business comes first... then accepts boy 1's proposal. 1st boy is like, I guess that works.

Cut to the wedding. Santa is like, I have made a horrible mistake, but I can't get out of this contract I signed with boy 1's father... so I guess you will have to marry him.

Plot twist! Boy 2 is studying to be a lawyer. Santa leaves to go find him to see if there is a loophole in the contract!

Girl is all-in on the wedding, but is waiting for her father to return because she wants him to be there. Boy 1's father is like: NO! You must start the wedding now... or I will use a clause in the contract to cancel Christmas forever! Muahahah. Girl is like, sigh, fine.

Wedding starts and Boy 1 is like, do we actually know what we are doing here? I mean I like you, but do I want to marry you? We haven't actually been on a formal date yet. They cut right to the "Does anyone object?" bit.

Now, again, a normal movie would have Santa storm in and stop it, or maybe Boy 2... but here Girl is the one who says... actually, I object. I know I was all-in on this two seconds ago, but I changed my mind. Can I do that? The priest / normal-sized-leprechaun, says that yes, she doesn't have to get married if she doesn't want to. Boy 1 is like: Thank god!
Now Santa and Boy 2 storm in to stop the wedding, and everyone was like, yeah it has already been called off.

Evil father is like, but we have a contract! And Santa is like: talk to my lawyer, and presents boy 2. Boy 2 finds a legal loophole that voids the contract. Evil dad is like Nooooo! and then girl uses her magic powers to make him trip into cake. Girl kisses boy 2, and boy 1 is like... you know what, you two are cute together, I approve! Santa is like: No kissing before marriage, but do you want to spend the night?

Then the movie wraps up with about 10 minutes of talk about business and "numbers". Apparently, the giving stuff away business hasn't been as lucrative as you would think. How are they going to keep the business going without an influx of cash from the business deal they just torpedoed? Santa is like, that is a problem, but don't worry your pretty little head about it. Sometimes if you don't think about a problem, it goes away (that was actually the point they sort of made). Also, nostalgia is nice. But not to worry, the tooth fairy is flirting with Santa, and if he were to "merge" with her... wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

The end!