Not sure WTF I read at the end of that!

You forgot to mention that is essentially a Hong Kong martial arts remake of 'The Maltese Falcon' (starring Joe Don Baker)

It's right at the top my "must be riffed" list, since it's such a perfect storm of conflicting movie tropes, bad acting, crazy plot holes and continuity errors, and Joe Don responding to every situation with his trademark mix of hunger/confusion.

Surprisingly, it had a decent budget, and a comparatively big-name cast...even including Joe Don, who was at the height of his career after just having made 'Walking Tall.' (Golden Needles saw to that, though) Joe Don plays your usual Mitchell-y non-action action hero, who's supposed to be some sort of soldier of fortune who gets hired to track down a stolen statue containing magical acupuncture needles that can grant everlasting life if used correctly. Burgess Meridith plays the bad guy, and at one point they got Jim Kelly to wander onto set and perform a fight scene and then wander off again. Literally nobody in this movie seems to have the slightest clue what the **** is going on (reportedly, the English and Hong Kong directors couldn't understand each other, and nobody understood the script.) It's just one big confusing mess with the occasional fight scene tossed in to liven things up.

"But Joel, who would *want* to do that with Mitchell...?"

Judging from the trailers, this film ought to come with a complimentary restraining order.

"Joe Don Baker" and "sexual superman"... in the same sentence? Is this CHRISTMAS -- ?!?

Joe Don Baker... "a sexual superman?" SOLD!

Also, the guy who played the penguin in the old batman tv show is one of the bad guys.