Narfs, Scrunts, and Tartutics? Oh, my!
Narfs, Scrunts, and Tartutics? Oh, my!
Narfs, Scrunts, and Tartutics? Oh, my!

Yeah. We still need the Rifftrax gang to help us decipher this rambling Shyamalonian nonsense.

I guess after a few turkeys already under Night's belt, Lady in the Water got largely ignored? I only just recently watched a bad movie review of this movie - I'm amazed I never heard how bad it was before. Please riff!!

We need to keep pushing forward and get this one its proper riffing treatment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbnZ3KwjJrc

Reason's to riff this:

1. It's Shyamalan.

2. It's based on bedtime stories he made up for his kids, with little to no effort to tighten the story for an adult audience.

3. The titular Lady is named Story, and she is part of a mystical race called "Narfs." Shamwow named a mythical creature after the sound Pinky makes, and expected us to take it seriously.

4. Story is here to inspire an author to write a story that will change the world...you know, like a muse. SO WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST CALL HER A MUSE INSTEAD OF MAKING UP A STUPID NAME LIKE "NARF?!"

5. In order to learn more about the--ugh--Narfs, the main character has to talk to an old woman who won't tell him unless she sees him as a child. So he has to act like one in a veeery awkward scene, dressing in kiddie PJs and laying his head on her lap. And he's played by Paul Giamatti, no doubt fantasizing about feeding his agent to hyenas as he does so.

6. Other characters in the movie include an obnoxious Asian stereotype, a douchebag who only works out one side of his body, a know-it-all critic who is obviously Shambleson's attempt to get back at the critics who savaged his movies, and a guy who predicts the future with crossword puzzles.

7. Speaking of the critic, he gets brutally murdered by the movie's monster. It wasn't enough for the critic to be depicted in a totally unflattering way, he also had to die before Shamrock was satisfied. Leave the literary vengeance to Poe, ya pretentious twerp.

8. Speaking of which, Shambamthankyouma'am himself makes an appearance, like in many of his other films. But unlike his other films, he actually plays a major character in this one: he's the author that Story is supposed to inspire to write that world-changing book. According to prophecy, the book will be so controversial that it will lead to the author being assassinated, but even after learning this, he decides to write the book anyway because he's just so good and pure and virtuous and self-sacrificing and THIS WOULD HAVE GOTTEN LAUGHED OFF OF FANFICTION.NET!!!

9. The villain of the story is the Skrunt, who wants to kill Story for no apparent reason. There are rules of some sort in place to stop Skrunts from killing--ugh--Narfs, but this particular Skrunt has decided to ignore the rules for no apparent reason. The rules are enforced by a race of ape-like creatures called Tartutics, which don't show up until the end of the story--surprise--for no apparent reason.

10. The titular Lady in the Water does FUCK ALL in the movie. She just sits around, letting things happen to her, to the point where she could have been played by a paperweight,

11. I saved the best for last...remember that guy who predicted the future with *snicker* crossword puzzles? Well, he has a son...(hee hee) and his son--heh--his son predicts the future...using CEREAL BOXES! HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAH...*huff* *puff*

...THE GOSPEL OF CAP'N CRUNCH! HA HA HA HA HA HA etc.

Cinematic Excrement review here if you STILL need more convincing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyUA1eTIrDM

I dont know why this film doesn't have more votes. M night shamalon did it, it's bats@#t insane, hillarious and makes a movie like The Room oscar worthy. It has very obvious imagry, stupid stereotypes, children becoming psychich by reading cereal boxes, groups of people gawking at naked women and a cast that look like they gave up on life.

This film drowned from the very beginning.