Miguel Ángel Fuentes of "Pumaman" and "The Bermuda Triangle" has an appearance!

Oh, and if you're sick and tired of Battle Beyond the Stars playing over many action beats, then you haven't seen Rollergator!

When I was a kid, I conned my dad into taking me to see this in the theater.

"Dear Penthouse Forum: I'd a saucy, sword-slinging sixteen-year-old barbarian nymphette, who never *ever* thought anything like this would happen to her..."

As breathtakingly low-budget as you may think this sucker is... trust me: it's much, *much* worse.

Exhibit A:

http://cdn.highdefdigest.com/uploads/2014/09/04/sorceress_2.jpg

Co-starring Johnny Wadd as The Colossal One-Eyed Serpent.

Enough silicon on display here to keep Pentium adequately supplied for the next ten thousand years.

... a.k.a. "Conan of Chlamydia."

All the soaring grandeur and stately majesty of a Girls Gone Wild video.

Spring break for the 8-sided die set.

There isn't a single woman in this film who *hasn't* had a staple in her navel, at some point along the way.

The cinematic equivalent of one of those used panties vending machines favored by certain sweaty business commuters in Japan.

Camille Paglia lies awake at night, thinking about this flick. And sweating.

It's stuff like this that keeps Camille Paglia awake nights, sweating.

Imagine playing in a Dungeons & Dragons campaign... only with Larry Flynt as the dungeon master.

"Hugh Hefner and Playboy Magazine are proud to present: THE GIRLS OF HYPERBOREA!"

The film that killed Andrea Dworkin (or WOULD have, if she'd ever seen it).

It's like watching a junior high production of ELRIC OF MELNIBONE, directed by Al Bundy.

Imagine the sword-and-sorcery works of Michael Moorcock, re-written by Al Bundy...

The only thing this porn-and-sorcery "epic" is missing is a slow-motion pillow fight.

This movie ought to come with a complimentary box of tissues.