Ok, Full disclosure, I actually enjoyed this movie, but I was a sci-fi book nerd from the age of four. That being said this movie adaptation is prime for a riffing.
One of the reasons is because of superficial laziness on my part. For whatever reason for the longest time I was thinking that the part of John Carter was not played by Taylor Kitsh (who I had not heard of or seen), but was instead Harpo from the Twilight travesty (better known in some circles as Jackson Rathbone, or that douche from Avatar).