Caught Torgo staring at me in that "funny way" again yesterday. This is beginning to make me feel a little uncomfortable. The way he looks at me reminds me of the way that I look at a woman before I make her my bride. You don't suppose that Torgo secretly wish's that he were my...bride? No...he would look terrible in white chiffon and panties. I will talk to Torgo about this tomorrow, right after he does my nails and gives me a full-body massage.
Praise be to Manos!
Praise be to Manos!
Praise be to Manos!
Movie Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XR4EEN-zoUQ
The only turkey around here is this Rifftrax suggestion, and there is nothing humorous about making fun of turkeys. Not now, not never. Respect for turkeys and all their fixins is what should be promoted here, not guffaws, smirks, and crude jokes. How would you like it if we turkeys all got together and made fun of Rifftrax? HUH? Yeah we thought as much! The idea doesn't seem so funny anymore does it? DOES IT? Forget this stupid suggestion, and please, please, please, next Thanksgiving, just eat a salad OK? Instead of having Turkey for dinner, invite a turkey over to have dinner with you. PEACE.
United Turkeys For A Great Vegan America (R)
Nostradamus' Head Predictions:
1) Earwax will be considered mankind's most precious natural resource.
2) Humans will exclusively communicate with hand-puppets.
3) In 1957 they will make a movie (whatever that is) and it will be titled: The Man Without a Body. The world will then know the real truth about me and what a great funny guy I really was.
Until then, I will continue to make predictions and write horoscopes for income.
4) I predict that in the future, something called a "Credit Card" will be used by people to spend money that they don't have, to buy things that they really don't want.........or need.
5) A strange device called a: Television, will be invented so that people can observe something called: America's Funniest Home Videos, where people can watch other people doing embarrassing things, that in this current century, we would never want anyone to ever know about us, much less see us do it.
6) Something called Rifftrax will appear many years into the future and it will be used by all to interpret and understand a thing called "b-movies" (whatever that is).
Mankind won't be any smarter, they will just laugh-a-lot more.
That is all of my future predictions for now.
More questions for the comprehensive Rifftrax survey for this movie suggestion.
7) Adam Sandler cameo wearing a gorilla suit. (unbilled) YES ( ) NO ( ) Hard-to-tell. (X)
8) Gorilla wearing an Adam Sandler suit. YES ( ) NO ( ) It sure would improve this movie. (X)
9) Adam Sandler gets an Academy Award nomination as Best Actor for playing Lola the drag queen with a heart-of-gold, in the movie: "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, gets a Job as a Wedding Singer" YES ( ) NO ( ) It could happen! (X)
Comprehensive movie survey to determine if movie is riffworthy.
1) Has obnoxious child actors who overact. YES (X) NO ( )
2) Crazy inventor aka MAD. YES (X) NO ( )
3) Very strange doctor aka MAD. YES (X) NO ( )
4) Mysterious spooky house aka HAUNTED. YES (X) NO ( )
5) Large man in a gorilla suit. YES (X) NO ( )
6) Adam Sandler cameo appearance. (unbilled) YES ( ) NO (X)
Survey results are conclusive: This movie is 100% riffworthy.
Me: This MST3K riff is so old...
Audience: How old is it?
Me: This MST3K riff is so old that I had to play my DVD on my record player last night to watch it.
Me: I have not been able to watch this movie in it's entirety for over twenty years.
Audience: Why is that?
Me: Because I made a deal with myself that every time the name Rowsdower is said in "The Final Sacrifice", I have a shot of whiskey. I have never been able to make it past the first ten minutes of this movie.
Audience: Groooooooan! (Uproarious laughter)
Me: But seriously folks, isn't it time to dust off this old MST3K classic, freshen it up with some new riffs, do it "live" to make it more intense, dust it off, clean out the old cobwebs and put it on display for the newer Rifftrax fans, not to mention the older ones who forget where they put their car keys every day and laugh at things five minutes after they happen......? ? ? ?
? ? ? ? ?
? Uhhhhhhhh............................Ha Ha.
Ranked #1 by J.D. Power in Customer Satisfaction - Most Admired Giant Blood-Sucking Mosquito Movie.
26 Years in-a-row.
Drake is a corrupt and greedy developer who is illegally dumping toxic waste into the mines around the small town of Clear Sky, causing mosquitoes to mutate into giant beasts that attack and kill anything, including humans. A lawman of the town sheriff, Roy Boone, and his reunited love Sarah Crosby, must put a stop to both the pollution and the bugs. The body counts keep rising, which causes the locals to feel that they have to move out of the city. Crosby and environmental inspector Gordon Perry try to find the origin of the waste, but certain people try to prevent them for doing so due to Drake's evil deeds, which involves some hitmen.
This movie has that small little town in the middle of nowhere, b movie, home made, old fashioned horror sort of feel to it that is perfect for riffing. Skeeter is also fun to enjoy as a stand alone film.
No state-of-the-art CGI, or dazzling special effects to be found here. Nope! None!
" Sweetheart, this movie is the stuff that riffs are made of."
-Humphrey Bogart's lesser known brother Waldo.
Hey idiot, if your phony movie posting was supposed to be a not-at-all funny riff on bikers not being able to perform sexually for amazon women campers who become enraged and kill them all in unspeakable ways, that's the exact same formula that I am working on in my current screenplay in development and you have stolen it.
If you don't remove this illegal posting "RIGHT AWAY" I'll have my people sue you.
This is your only warning!
BTW: Flaccid is spelled with two C's ya big dummy!
Movie Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccXaHREoCI8
Besides Jim Sullivan, you also get the funny and still cute Kelli Maroney from the movie "Night of the Comet," which is another fun movie.
Gila, is an enjoyable homage to original "The Giant Gila Monster," and B monster movie lovers everywhere should appreciate the movies' attempt at a 1950's style.
I almost feel guilty for suggesting this as a movie to be riffed.
It's like throwing a small steak into a den of lions.
Oh well...eat hardy boys!
With marijuana becoming legal nationwide, could this instead be the remake title of a movie about some friends who after smoking a couple of bongs-o'-weed, turn their apartment upside down in their frantic search for Scooby snacks?
Dr. Henry Heckyl: "Now we're dead, and I'm still a ******. "
Miss Finebum: "Let's face it, we're probably immortal."
Lt. Mack Druck - 'Il Topo': "Why don't you shoot each other and find out."
Mr. Hype: "You get in my way again, squid brain, and you'll wish your mother had strangled you at birth."
Lt. Mack Druck - 'Il Topo': "She tried."
Dr. Henry Heckyl: [scaring away yet another girl] "I could have taken her to a movie. To a Chinese restaurant. To a water bed motel."
"Mine is a face that spoils a sunny day. Luckily I don't need tan"
- Dr. Henry Heckyl:
Dr. Henry Heckyl: "First of all I'm going to give you a shot of zilophob. It will help suppress the pain I'm going to have to put you through."
Lt. Mack Druck - 'Il Topo': "I don't feel pain, I'm a cop."
Lt. Mack Druck - 'Il Topo': "Did he have one red eye, one green eye, hair like it was taken off a Halloween mask, and a nose like a half-eaten carrot?"
Mrs. Quivel: " Yes. He's laying on my bed, making disgusting noises."
Lt. Mack Druck - 'Il Topo': "That's no monster, that's my podiatrist."
Mr. Hype: "I want you to be absolutely honest."
Liza Rowne: "I don't think I've ever tried that."
Once mankind was rid of all feeling and emotions by the alien entity, congress decided to remove that qualification from their candidate-for-congress questionnaire.
The replacement congressman qualification questionnaire asks if you think Adam Sandler movies are funny.
( ) Yes ( ) No ( ) Undecided ( ) Who???
(1956) A well meaning scientist guides an alien monster to Earth from Venus, so that he can rid mankind of feelings and emotions - but only death and sorrow results.
Roger Corman at his best. The creature is very...uh...unique looking.
Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid Movie Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2efDnLZjsk
"I find it outrageous, and just plain disgusting that someone would suggest taking a perfectly good movie, that everyone has worked so hard to create, and making fun of it.
FYI 'cle1952', we take great pride in our movie making endeavors!"
- Alan Smithee (Famous Movie Director)
Oh my gawd... yesssssss...please do it! Thee best damn idea for comedy in the last fifty years.
Ha ho hee heee yuk yuk titter hooty damn hoot mon heide ho hey nonie nonie gurgle oop heeee hi fo fum guffaw zippy do dah ribbit poop muh pantaloons too da le doo.
"I will make you rich and strong...strong and rich...get me out of here."
Here is a movie trailer for Critters 1-4: https: //www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNtDNzGy6Jc
As you can see, the Critter movies just get worse with each sequel.
Maybe Riff Critters#4 and work your way to #1 if possible.
When they pitted an Alien vs. a Predator, that revived both movie franchises.
Hey movie writers, why not take a Critter, a Gremlin, a Hobgoblin, a Munchie, and make them wrestlers in a Mexican wrestling match?
You could have ET as the announcer and let these hand puppet luchadores go at it in the ring.
Since it's always good to mix in live actors with hand puppets, you could get Blue Demon, Santo, Black Shadow, and Titan to whoop some hand puppet ***.
What color is hand puppet blood anyway?
Message to all Martians: You've been monitoring our television transmissions for years now, and you still want to invade us?
And you call yourselves a highly evolved, technologically advanced society.
When Martian TV can produce something that even comes close to a "Gilligan's Island" or "My Mother the Car", then we can start talking about invasion, or possibly broadcast rights and syndication.
I just recently broke up with my girlfriend.
If anyone out there has the Cobra Woman's cell phone number, could you please share it with me?
She sounds like the sensitive caring woman of my dreams, and I'm getting tired of all of the on-line dating sites.
Yeah, the ex was good with the terror and death part, but I wanted more...much more in our relationship.
Movie Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbNh6fBX7U0
"She comes to entwine men in her arms. They wanted love. She gave them terror and death."
Sounds like a recipe for a loving marriage to me.
I don't really know when the world ended, but I can tell you that my world ended the day the wife started serving me the previous night's dinner leftovers.
Honeymoon over man!
Most quality writing classes today teach young up-coming writers, that if your plot starts to lose momentum or if your storyline is lacking depth, or if you run out of original ideas, and adding expensive CGI effects still won't be enough to dazzle your viewing audience, just add some Nazis to your screenplay, and everything will then fall into place.
It works every time.