17 results found

1. Christmas Mail (2010)

   A hilariously awful romantic comedy (blergh) about a disheveled looking mailman, his niece, and (spoiler alert) Santa's daughter. Pure cinema gold with plenty of bloopers and mistakes that the filmmakers decided to leave in for your viewing pleasure. Thrill as the young niece tries to set her 30-year-old uncle up with a septuagenarian, enjoy the flubbed soundtrack, wrap yourself in the magic of an overacting boss who yells every line. Come for the terrible plot, stay for the mail truck chase scene. It's like Rudolph pooped out the best Christmas movie ever.

   22 votes

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2. Justice League of America

   This is the REEEEALY bad 1997 made for tv movie with David Ogden Stiers as Martian Manhunter, gut and all. This was almost as painful as the Star Wars Christmas special. Someone sent me a copy of it years ago. I will gladly mail it to you for you to feast your eyes on the glory of badness that was the JLA movie. This movie is just begging to be riffed.

   508 votes

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3. Signatures via mail

   Here is an idea i have that would allow you guys to have some more work during the lockdown; you should let us fans send in posters and books etc for Mike, Bill, And Kevin to sign. I think you could have the prices set so you could pay for a single signature, or all three on a single item. I really want my MST3k poster, and all my books signed at some point.

   And to make things a lot more simple logistics wise, I would reccomend setting it up so that the guys only have to sign stuff over the course of a week or so. Just a special offering that would only be done once and a while.

   And you could even take this time to sell actual Rifftrax posters signed by the guys... i think it would work

   Here is an idea i have that would allow you guys to have some more work during the lockdown; you should let us fans send in posters and books etc for Mike, Bill, And Kevin to sign. I think you could have the prices set so you could pay for a single signature, or all three on a single item. I really want my MST3k poster, and all my books signed at some point.

   And to make things a lot more simple logistics wise, I would reccomend setting it up so that the guys only have to sign stuff over… more

   1 vote

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4. hazards

   Hidden Hazards in Your Home - Narrated by William Shatner - I have a VHS tape dying to be riffed. It is a household safety video narrated by none other than the Man himself. I cannot view it because we don't have a tape player anymore, but I am more than willing to mail it to you for your use! Please let me know if interested! :)

   25 votes

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5. Mr. Sycamore (1975)

   A mail man goes a little nutty and decides he wants to become a tree. Yes, you read that correctly.

   An unusual but affectionate story of a man's longing for his ideal of peace and serenity. A postman and part-time poet is inspired by the Greek legend of the two elderly guards at Jupiter's temple who are transformed into beautiful trees. His wife has him committed when he stands in his backyard awaiting the same metamorphosis to take place. With the help of a friendly librarian, he escapes in a milk truck during a violent storm.

   23 votes

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6. Robin Hood: Ghosts of Sherwood

   Where do I begin. This movie was shot in Germany. With bad actors speaking English. Then badly dubbed. By bad actors speaking English with bad fake English accents.

   The costumes look like something your mom sewed. The fight scenes look like high school Trekkies re-enacting their favorite Kirk fight. The special effects consist of something you'd buy on the cheap from the fireworks store across the border in Indiana.

   It trudges along at first trampling the old Robin Hood tale, then gets suddenly and impossibly worse. Because Robin Hood becomes a flesh eater.

   Somewhere along the way, (it's been over a year since I experienced this on video) they fight the zombies? or maybe the sheriff? with magic grenades. The magic word that activates them is now a catchphrase in my house: "ZIP ZO ZO!" Poof! A puff of smoke!

   My favorite scene is when Robin is writhing on the ground, dying a gruesome as Marion, Little John and Will stand next to him. Hands at their sides. They don't kneel down or offer aid or comfort. No emotion whatsoever because, well, it's "Robin's" scene and they don't have any lines, so they're just waiting for him to finish.

   Finally and inexplicably, when the movie reaches it's confusing conclusion, it doesn't. Conclude. The credits roll, but the movie starts up again. You think it's just going to be for a quick epilogue, but no. It goes on FOR 20 MORE MINUTES. Pointless, non plot-enhancing minutes. My guess is they paid for the film stock and needed to use it all up. Or something.

   Oh yeah. Almost forgot. It's in 3D. (Didn't know that cause I watched it at home.)

   Please riff this horrific pile o' mess. Screen shot attached of obese castle guard wearing chain mail with no shirt under it. Fat roll visible. Note the black pants and street shoes. Please. I'm on my knees.

   Where do I begin. This movie was shot in Germany. With bad actors speaking English. Then badly dubbed. By bad actors speaking English with bad fake English accents.

   The costumes look like something your mom sewed. The fight scenes look like high school Trekkies re-enacting their favorite Kirk fight. The special effects consist of something you'd buy on the cheap from the fireworks store across the border in Indiana.

   It trudges along at first trampling the old Robin Hood tale, then gets suddenly and impossibly worse. Because Robin Hood becomes a flesh eater.

   Somewhere along the way, (it's been over… more

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   424 votes

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7. Young Einstein

   Yahoo can’t be Serious with this chemically toxic mixture of “comedy” and “history” and “rock” and “roll”.

   5 votes

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8. House (1986)

   Roger Cobb is a Vietnam vet whose career as a horror novelist has taken a turn for the worse when his son Jimmy mysteriously disappears while visiting his aunt's house. Roger's search for Jimmy destroys his marriage and his writing career. The sudden death of his aunt brings Roger back to the house where his nightmares began. The evil zombies in the house force Roger to endure a harrowing journey into his past.

   • Arthur de Boom Raindance26@yahoo.com

   *Currently available on Netflix streaming!

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   37 votes

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9. A Christmas Story 2 (2012)

   The 1983 classic A Christmas Story wasn't the first adaptation of Jean Shepherd's writings--PBS did some adaptations in the late seventies/early eighties. (In fact, if you do a YouTube search for "Phantom of the Open Hearth" you'll see the very first version of the leg lamp!) Nor was it the last--PBS did another adaptation in 1988 (Ollie Hopnoodle's Haven of Bliss) and in 1994, there was a (very limited) theatrical release of It Runs In The Family (renamed My Summer Story for video), which was actually billed as the sequel to ACS. Whatever you may think of these two follow-ups/sequels (and many do enjoy them), they're worthy to be called sequels because they both come directly from Jean Shepherd's writings and feature his narration.

   Not so with the so-called "official" sequel--2012's direct-to-DVD A Christmas Story 2. This has nothing to do with anything Shepherd wrote and is merely an exploitative cash grab that fans saw through in a heartbeat.

   The movie takes place in 1946, with Ralphie now fifteen years old and his brother Randy around eleven. In a blatant re-tread of the original movie's plot, Ralphie's heart's desire this Christmas is his first car (that, and the love of the prettiest girl in school). What's more, the movie re-hashes story beats and jokes from the first one--some of them lifted clean! (For example: Flick sticking his tongue into a mail tube for no apparent reason than to call back to the flagpole, a re-tread of "Oh, fudge!", Ralphie dropping hints about his gift at the breakfast table...sometimes it seems this movie is jumping up and down, waving its arms, and yelling, "Look! Look! We're calling back to the first movie! See?! SEE?!?!?!")

   The acting talent among most of the cast is all right but nothing to shout about. Daniel Stern and Beverly D'Angelo play Ralphie's folks, which could have been good, but Stern especially simply tries to copy Darren McGavin's performance without putting his own stamp on it. (And does it WAY too exaggeratedly.)

   That's one of the main failings of ACS2--it just TRIES too hard. Instead of the wry, gentle humor that characterizes Jean Shepherd's work, it goes for cartoony, slapstick, and farcical. (And the slapstick sequences seem more along the lines of The Three Stooges on steroids rather than the subtler humor of the first movie.) Even when ACS touched on the cartoony and over-the-top, the characters were grounded in reality--they just seemed real and relatable. This movie seems like nothing more than a live-action Hanna-Barbera cartoon (to the point where they actually dub in Hanna-Barbera-ish cartoon sound effects over certain slapstick sequences!).

   There's still narration by adult Ralphie...but since Shepherd had passed away long ago (and I can't see him giving his stamp of approval to this if he HAD been alive), there's a different voice actor. He's trying desperately to sound like Shep, but sounds more like Adam West after too much coffee.

   In short, this would be a Rifftrax field day for the holidays...perhaps for a Rifftrax Live. (Ironically, the same year, another adaptation of ACS came out...the stage musical. But with wit, genuineness and a great score, it served the source material much better.)

   The 1983 classic A Christmas Story wasn't the first adaptation of Jean Shepherd's writings--PBS did some adaptations in the late seventies/early eighties. (In fact, if you do a YouTube search for "Phantom of the Open Hearth" you'll see the very first version of the leg lamp!) Nor was it the last--PBS did another adaptation in 1988 (Ollie Hopnoodle's Haven of Bliss) and in 1994, there was a (very limited) theatrical release of It Runs In The Family (renamed My Summer Story for video), which was actually billed as the sequel to ACS. Whatever you may think of these two follow-ups/sequels… more

   14 votes

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10. Gary Coleman For Safety's Sake (1986)

    "Actor Gary Coleman appears in this instructional video designed to show children how to be safe and stay safe. Included are tips on accident prevention, how to stay safe when home alone, and other procedures that have been developed by the National Safety Council and the American Red Cross.
    - Written by frankfob2@yahoo.com"

    Sounds as terrible as the above mention description implies.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d01PXRXD5I0
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1856696/combined

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    18 votes

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11. Scorpion (1986)

    Gentlemen, let me introduce to you Scorpion, the first and only movie starring former karate champion Tonny Tulleners, who's major claim to fame is being the guy who consistently kicked Chuck Norris' ass in several tournaments back in the day, writing a popular 'Beginning Karate' book that you could order by mail from the back of Boy's Life, and for having the best porn star/Larry Csonka mustache in the martial arts community.

    You can watch the entire movie in full here:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78SI8hNUEEE

    And according to RetroFilm Vault, it's in the Public Domain, though I haven't seen it listed on Archive.org or any of the other usual public domain sites.

    There's a reason Chuck's film career took off and Tonny's stalled after just one movie, which will become apparent the moment you see his soft-spoken highly nuanced non-performance as special agent "Steve Woods", who is also occasionally called "Scorpion" when they remember they need to shoehorn it in to justify the bad-ass video cover. Apparently, there's some union rule where every single one of these karate cop movies has to begin with the guy being sent into a hostage situation naked, in his underwear, or in Tonny's case, wearing extremely upsetting tiny white short shorts, to convince the gun-toting terrorists that he's not carrying any concealed weapons or dignity.

    The movie then drifts into even more tried and true action movie format, when Tonny's best friend and partner (and 3rd grade level amateur recorder player) is murdered trying to protect an important government witness who looks remarkably like a Cuban Robert Z'Dar, forcing "Scorpion" to stop playing by the rules and uncover a hidden ring of corruption (well... not that well hidden) and avenge his partner's death by punching a lot of people in the face. But first, we get a meaningful flashback to the time when he and his buddy were 6 and tried really really hard to vandalize a statue in the park by pushing it over. What follows is an extremely tepid game of Ambien Cat vs. Zoloft Mouse, culminating in the most lackluster helicopter vs. boat chase since Mitchell, and you guessed it, punching the final bad guy in the face. (All of the fight scenes in this movie suck. They obviously didn't hire any martial artists besides Tonny, or waste any time or money on fight choreography. All the bad guys attempt a few halfhearted blocks then immediately get taken down in the space of about 10 seconds.) But if you're worried about the film not having any dramatic payoff, you'll be relieved to know at the end of the movie, Scorpion goes back to the park where he had his flashback and knocks over the statue as a final tribute to his departed friend and a massive "fuck you" to the poor parks and recreation employees who are probably going to have to rent a backhoe to put it back up again. Great job Tonny!

    https://ultimateactionmovies.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/Scorpion-1986.jpg

    Gentlemen, let me introduce to you Scorpion, the first and only movie starring former karate champion Tonny Tulleners, who's major claim to fame is being the guy who consistently kicked Chuck Norris' ass in several tournaments back in the day, writing a popular 'Beginning Karate' book that you could order by mail from the back of Boy's Life, and for having the best porn star/Larry Csonka mustache in the martial arts community.

    You can watch the entire movie in full here:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78SI8hNUEEE

    And according to RetroFilm Vault, it's in the Public Domain, though I haven't seen it listed on Archive.org… more

    20 votes

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12. The Trial of Chaplain Jensen

    • The movie is in the public domain.
    • It is inspired by a real-life trial.
    • Lynda Day George of "Mission: Impossible" fame plays a bisexual nymphomaniac!
    • James Franciscus ("The Last Shark") is the male lead in this flick.

    https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/ldgtv/conversations/messages/2136
    https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/ldgtv/conversations/messages/2349
    http://www.allmovie.com/movie/the-trial-of-chaplain-jensen-v129627

    16 votes

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13. Skookum: The Hunt for Bigfoot

    Skookum: The Hunt for Bigfoot is a movie about... well hunting Bigfoot in the swampy landscape that is Louisiana's Bayou. A girl goes missing and it's up to her sister to find her with help of a bunch of so called Bigfoot scientists and one indian.

    One of the guys playing the Skookum Bigfoot shops at the store I work at told me about this movie being made in a town near us. As soon as I saw the trailer for it I thought "OMG that needs riffing so hard by Mike, Bill and Kevin!" It was made throughout 2012-2016 but it looks like one of those B movies filmed back in the late 70s or early 80s. It's like it was made to be ripped apart. I had thought about buying a copy and mailing it to rifftrax as a gift. But I don't know if that is allowed. I also don't know if I want to spend $20 on the DVD...

    IMDB.com page http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2571634/combined
    Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/SkookumTheMovie/
    VIMEO On Demand (yes it's even downloadable) https://vimeo.com/ondemand/94085 But is it worth 8 dollars?
    Trailer on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMqqtMu5D30

    Skookum: The Hunt for Bigfoot is a movie about... well hunting Bigfoot in the swampy landscape that is Louisiana's Bayou. A girl goes missing and it's up to her sister to find her with help of a bunch of so called Bigfoot scientists and one indian.

    One of the guys playing the Skookum Bigfoot shops at the store I work at told me about this movie being made in a town near us. As soon as I saw the trailer for it I thought "OMG that needs riffing so hard by Mike, Bill and Kevin!" It was made throughout 2012-2016… more

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    28 votes

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14. Millions

    Edited from an IMDB review

    Here's the basic plot: A pack of money-grabbing, extremely rich and attractive relatives (the Ferretti's) are trying to take over their ailing uncle's industrial empire.

    The pack is led by Maurizio Ferretti (Billy Zane), a rich, very savy and attractive million dollar playboy. His main goal is to take over the family's million dollar business while his Uncle Leo is dying in a hospital somewhere. And how does he plan on doing this? Black-mailing his father, sleeping w/ numerous women and being an all around money hungry, scheming jerk!

    Lauren Hutton plays Cristina, Uncle Leo's estranged wife who seems to be the only one staying at his bedside. Carol Alt plays the beautiful (censored)/wild child/bad seed niece who can't seem to keep her clothes on or get her life on track. Alexandra Paul plays the promiscuous, (censored), seductive, cold-hearted sister in-law.

    The plot is okay, but aside from the characters listed above, the acting is bad, real bad. And even though this movie was released in 1991, the bad hair, music and fashion looks like something out of a mid 80's TV prime-time soap (think Falcon Crest).

    Even with talent like Hutton, Zane & Alt, nothing can save us from the cheap quality, cheesy soundtrack, blah acting, and bad ending. If you have a hour or so to kill and don't mind seeing Billy Zane sleep with a bunch of women, including his cousin, his sister in law, and his dad's mistress or watching a bunch of rich spoiled people plot, whine, and (censored) each other - then go for it. I'm sure the pain will go away... the memory is another story.

    Edited from an IMDB review

    Here's the basic plot: A pack of money-grabbing, extremely rich and attractive relatives (the Ferretti's) are trying to take over their ailing uncle's industrial empire.

    The pack is led by Maurizio Ferretti (Billy Zane), a rich, very savy and attractive million dollar playboy. His main goal is to take over the family's million dollar business while his Uncle Leo is dying in a hospital somewhere. And how does he plan on doing this? Black-mailing his father, sleeping w/ numerous women and being an all around money hungry, scheming jerk!

    Lauren Hutton plays Cristina, Uncle Leo's… more

    25 votes

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15. Talos (2010)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CROW5KZLcMc

    1) If you've ever looked for genuinely skilled martial artists that should've never quit their day jobs (not being ninjas, that's for night time) to try and make a film, then your search is over!

    2) It's like a mix of Power Rangers, Zena Warrior Princess, with a pinch of some or a Viking, shot through exotic locations of Salem, Virginia, such as: A public park, someone's large house on a mountain, someone's hot tub room, and someone's field.

    3) Also, the Viking in real life, dresses as a Viking with other Vikings, and they gently pillage our downtown bars and pubs, providing entertainment and unease (full on swords and battle axes). Plus, where else can you listen to the seductive, southern, twangs of a Harem from Bedford, VA, wooing our hero, by pronouncing his name, "Tay-los". Plus, Dave (his role slips my mind) is a close friend of the family, and I could drive to dude's house in about 15 min to get a copy to mail to ya'll.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CROW5KZLcMc

    1) If you've ever looked for genuinely skilled martial artists that should've never quit their day jobs (not being ninjas, that's for night time) to try and make a film, then your search is over!

    2) It's like a mix of Power Rangers, Zena Warrior Princess, with a pinch of some or a Viking, shot through exotic locations of Salem, Virginia, such as: A public park, someone's large house on a mountain, someone's hot tub room, and someone's field.

    3) Also, the Viking in real life, dresses as a Viking with other Vikings, and they gently pillage our downtown… more

    8 votes

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16. grazzlesnorf@gmail.com

    The Naked Witch 1961 The narration of the prologue (done by Gary Owens) reminded me of The Curse of Bigfoot with a touch of The Dead Talk Back. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054111/

    3 votes

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17. Writing well./Paragraphs

    I just posted a request a week or two ago about an educational film about an alien from outer space teaching kids how to write paragraphs. I found out the name of the movie. I just went on internetarchive.org in the way-back machine. I e-mailed Rick Prelinger and he got back to me quickly and he and Skip Elsheimer from AVGeeks and they gave me the name of it.

    5 votes

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